Update on Life

Hello!

It has been a busy month for me unfortunately. I have a bit of free time (only have 2 tests left and one assignment) so I decided to make a post!

So, I really hated this month (October) because of school. I felt so pressured because of all these deadlines and tests coming at me on a daily basis. I still dont get why professors decide to make a test or assignment worth 20-30% of my life. It really sucks. Just this Monday, I had a test for my math history class, and I honestly didn't think I did well. I was so sick the day prior and day of, that I felt so disappointed and sad at myself for becoming sick and not spacing out my studies for that class well. I had set out an academic goal for me this year, and I was working so hard to try to achieve that goal. I felt kind of hopeless and I have been only listening to one album (slow dance - Suneohair) the whole past week. Thankfully, around 11AM which was after my test, RM (namjoon from BTS) released his playlist and honestly, I felt saved. The songs resonated with my soul. Usually, I wouldn't listen to these type of songs because it would dampen my mood (I listen to peppy sounding songs like AKB48 and NMB48 style songs). But it really made me feel better?? and reassured?? I haven't really looked up the lyrics to each song yet. My favorite song has to be seoul though.

What also added to my pressure was my own mom. We got into this dispute with our neighbour due to the property line shet and my mom has to have such a hot temper. When she's in that mood, she expects everything to go her way RIGHT away. On the night before I had this major test (worth 25%), she legit came into my room after the argument with the neighbour, and was demanding me to do so much stuff. I honestly couldn't even focus for a good 3 hours after that because OBVIOUSLY I am not ok with not having good relations with the neighbours, and the fact that my mom kept pushing me to do SUCH AND SUCH TASK. I honestly did feel a bit of resentment towards mom and sister because it really sucked to have everything be forced upon you, when you have other obligations that I FEEL ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR PROPERTY LINE DISPUTE. There's honestly really no rush to put up a fence anyways. =-= What will the neighbour even do =-= canada has laws about encroaching onto property =-=;;;.

Last week was so stressful because of that. Full of attitude and awkwardness. I felt like my thoughts and responsibilities were not taken into consideration and it sucked. I'm just glad last week was over.

Also for some reason, I decided to apply to jobs in retail last week, and I clearly wasn't thinking too far. I applied thinking that I had some "spare" time to be able to work on the weekends and some days. BUT I totally disregarded the fact that I volunteer at two different places, which takes up a huge chunk of my time already. I also have lots of homework and readings...so I really do not know what my last week self was thinking. I did get an offer for a group interview for one of them, and I honestly was about to go through with it until I actually stopped and thought about it. I'm thankful to have parents who provided so much for me, that I don't even need to work to manage my finances. My parents dont even want me to work either. Also, working will impact my grades too, which sucks. I don't know how some people do it, but if a job demands me about 20+ hours per week, I don't think I can even handle that much along with school and volunteering. I drop at least 10 hours per class per week outside of lectures too. I really do not have the time. So I kind of regret applying and wasting whoever was trying to hire me etc.

I did take a two week break from my research lab because of my school stuff though. I lowkey miss them, but I have been enjoying coming home early to do work. It's so refreshing to come home during times where there are not much people. Subways and bus rides are always so fast and smooth AND EMPTY. Walkin home to my EMPTY neighbourhood. I love it, and I will miss it. This is my last week doing that sadly. We did get a new (old returning) research assistant in the lab, and I see that the lab got so busy when I was away. I wanted to be part of that business too Q_Q. I cant wait to meet that RA though. She seems to be the one that goes all out in comparison to the others. It was the first time where I saw emails being actively used etc.

I got sick again (as mentioned above I think). Funny thing is, it's been EXACTLY one month since I last got the cold. Maybe its because of the changing weather? Also with my heavy load of stress? I hope I get better soon. I really hate my throat condition honestly. Anytime I get a sore throat, I need antibiotics and it SUCKS.

I have to do my work and study for my linear programming test on Friday now. I have been pretty productive on my Tuesday so far. Still stressed over yesterday's test and my upcoming assignment that I already submitted in the afternoon. I hope I get perfect marks on that one. It's an idea submission for my upcoming research proposal, and it was restricted to only 1 page DOUBLE SPACED, so it was hard to refine everything to one page.

I can't wait for reading week honestly. Just two more weeks!!

Until then!

#updates #rant #thoughts #greetings #school