Thoughts on Adventures

As a kid growing up in Toronto, I never really had the urge to go on adventures. Luckily, I was fortunate enough to have parents that managed to set aside time to go out together as a family, which resulted in me travelling to small bits of Ontario, and sometimes even internationally!

I used to view those trips as nothing, since I had the mindset where "if I don't have friends here with me, then it's boring". Due to that mindset, it made my perspective on the whole experience as nothing above average. As I got older, I started to realize how I took these moments for granted in my life. I thought it was the standard for any family, but over the years, I actually met people who don't have the opportunity to go out to somewhere every weekend.

What made me realize how much I took those experiences for granted? I guess it would be the summer of 2016, where I had taken on two jobs at once. It was the first time ever that I legitimately had work (most of my life, I just help out at the family owned store). The first time where I realized that managers don't really care what happens in your life (outside of school obligations), as long as you can make it to work on time on the days that they schedule you to work. There are some days where I needed to stay home because I felt mentally unwell, but since I did not go to the doctor's, the managers did not view it as a legitimate sick day, but only as an excuse of "you just did not want to work on a busy day". Stuff happens in my life. I can't just know a day notice beforehand that I'll be unwell...it just happens. We are just entering the age where mental health awareness is slowly spreading amongst society.

Since the weekend was one of the most busy days of the week, I had little day offs on those days. The only time I would get a day off is if they have enough workers (which is rare since it's just a group of 6 people roughly for both jobs)...which resulted in my day offs being the slow Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Since my family is only free on Sundays due to their work, we didn't get any chances to hang out as a family last year. A part of me initially was lowkey happy because I didn't want to see my family that much, but at the same time, I started to miss them.

Nowadays, I'm jobless, because I chose to focus purely on school and not make the silly mistake I did in my first semester at university, i.e managing a job at the same time. Maybe some people can handle it, but I cannot. Especially at a gruesome place like University of Toronto. It affected my GPA negatively, as well as my overall health. I have a low stress tolerance, and whenever I'm stressed, I tend to just sleep and not do anything else.

So I actually have the time to hang out with my family sometimes on Sundays now. ♥ I love my parents and sister a lot, and it kind of hurt to see their sad faces when I told them I had work and could not go out with them. It resulted in them not going out as often as they would usually do, because they didn't want to leave me out. I felt bad for my sister especially because she didn't have as much experiences as me growing up when it comes to travelling. She's a girl who loves to go out but because of her age, she's basically glued to our parents and me.

My life has become a routine lately, and I really dislike it. Even though I like knowing what to expect in my day to day life, it'd be nice to experience some changes here and there. University makes time go by too quickly...it leaves such a bittersweet feeling.

This actually made my desire for adventure increase by a lot. I started to watch this show called "Hyori's Bed and Breakfast" and it made me desire to travel to new places even more, especially the areas outside of the city. I never had such desires to explore outside of the city because I grew up in one all my life, despite my neighbourhood being borderline suburban. There are some experiences and moments that are too beautiful to be recorded through cameras and recorders. They just don't capture the quality well (ex. fireworks in person vs fireworks through a photo/video).

I really hope in the future, I'll be financially stable and actually have time to go out and explore. Luckily my boyfriend is the adventure type. He's sometimes the complete opposite of me, but I feel it balances our whole relationship sometimes. I love him to pieces, and I still regret ever having taking him for granted. I got so used to seeing him on the daily that I used to not notice him at all. Or when I do notice him, I intentionally ignore him. I was a terrible person. He's the first person outside of family where I am comfortable with complete silence and have no intense pressure to maintain conversation (it's nearly impossible to talk nonstop with someone for the whole day). Maybe I feel that pressure in social situations because I became more reserved ever since the end of summer 2016. Trauma maybe...

I try to be open with new experiences nowadays, as I still am at my prime age. I may think "oh this doesn't sound like it's for me", but I never know...maybe in the end, it IS for me.

Sadly, there's only so much a girl can do with limited funds. Q_Q

#thoughts